It was six o’clock in the evening. I was still playing with my brother on our back yard. We were walking through the highest grass, following the sound of cricket. My Daddy was with us. I didn’t saw him often. He came back home two times a month and only for few hours sometimes he stayed for the whole day.
“Look daddy, I have found one” I said proudly and showed it to him. He took a step back with a small fear in his eyes. “It is not a cricket it’s a cockroach”.
He held my hand and said : “Lets buy one, there are more cockroaches then crickets around here” and the he took me to the market place nearby. Once we were at the market place he changed his mind “I don’t think your mother will approve this”
I remember each time I have spent with him because it was just a few.
Like a shadow puppet he only appeared in the night. I have always tried to stay awake just to welcome him home and hoping he would stay longer each time. I felt save with him.
Knowing that my youth wasn’t save at all and Daddy wasn’t around much. My love for him turned into anger. I wasn’t hoping anymore but I demanded him to stay longer but he couldn’t. So I said to him : “You didn’t care for us, You knew what happening to us but you rather not to be there, What kind of father are you?”.
Since then I didn’t trust him, I didn’t even want to listen to him anymore.
I still remember the last day before we moved to the Netherlands. Daddy wanted to speak to each one of us because he wasn’t coming. I have refused to talk to him.
Once we were in the Netherlands I wrote him a line : “I wish I knew you enough”
He didn’t answered my line and that was the last word of our communication before he passed away two years later. I was totally tear into pieces, realizing that I will never know him at all.
Even though I still believe that he has done something wrong, I have fully understood why he has done it. Because now I am him and it is not easy to lead his life.